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The Authentic Paleo Diet: Guest Post from Chris Pedersen

Posted by on Jun 14, 2013 | 9 Comments

The following is a reposted article written by my Facebook friend Chris Pedersen. ‘m a big fan of experimentation, especially if it involves playing cards! Enjoy!

The Paleo diet has become popular among those wishing to begin making healthy choices in what they consume for their daily meals.  GMO’s, additives, processing methods all cause suspicion in regards to the impact on health that modern food has.  Health benefits aside, it is hard to argue against the fact that for a millennium the human body has relied solely upon a Paleo type of diet.  In some cases, departing from this diet involved adaptation.  Early humans were lactose intolerant to cow’s milk. Through genetic mutation, modern man has adapted and is now able to consume milk.

Health benefits aside, the Paleo diet fails miserably as a means for weight loss. Eating healthy is very commendable, but as far as the body is concerned, a calorie is still a calorie.  So what is missing from our weight loss scheme?

Randomness.

Frankly, this diet plan will work if you were to choose Twinkies as your food of choice.  But in the interest of good health and longevity, we will be choosing a modified Paleo diet.  In the modified Paleo diet, wholegrains, flour, rice and pasta are all perfectly acceptable, as long as they are not processed from their healthy “brown” form, into the less desirable “white” form.

Up to this point, this has been typical Paleo diet advise that you can find in hundreds of books and online articles.  So why is this plan different?  The other plans leave out one important factor.  The food supply to humans during the Paleo period came at random times.

Think about it.  Three square meals a day has been a phenomenon that has only been around for a thousand years.  Only a twinkling of the eye when compared to how long Homo sapiens has been on the planet.

So what do you need to implement this proven weight loss plan?

Only a strong desire for success and a deck of cards.

  For early man, eating was a hit or miss proposition.  Time on his or her feet was spent hunting/gathering.  Sometimes there was success and other times not.  Dinner could consist of venison or grubs, depending on the success of your tribe.

Here is how the Paleo lifestyle simulation is performed:

The full deck of cards are shuffled and placed face down.  Aces, Jokers and Face Cards are your food cards.  Before you can draw from the top card, you must first hunt and gather. That is done by going on a three-mile walk or run.  Once you return from your expedition, you can then draw one card.  If you draw a facecard, congratulations, you get the venison!  Draw anything else and it’s grubs for you.  In this case, your grubs are actually one unflavored rice cake.  For your venison meal, you can eat as much as you want.  No limit in amount of your healthy cross section of Paleo type of foods. Your feast is only over when you have to pause for more than two minutes in your eating.   There are no limits to how many times in one day that you draw a card. But you must always hunt and gather first.

Congratulations!

You are now on your way to weight loss using the Authentic Paleo Diet!

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9 Comments

  1. Kelly Mahoney
    June 26, 2013

    Cavemen didn’t have refrigerator/freezers? Huh.

  2. Anmin Deng
    June 21, 2013

    To honor the “running-man hunter hypothesis” as described in the bestselling novel “Burn to Run”, I’d proposed we can add one more rule:

    Those who run a marathon get the venison as they like with no need to drawing card.

  3. The Pooch
    June 14, 2013

    Is this a joke? If so, ha ha! If not, then:

    For me and many others, a paleo-ish diet has worked quite well for weight loss, no randomization required.

    Whole grain flour, rice, or pasta are still just carbs with few other nutrients, and will still spike blood sugar and insulin. Plus, many people are moving in a paleo direction as they discover the gut-irritating, appetite-stimulating, and inflammatory properties of modern wheat.

    Roughly only a third of modern humans can digest lactose as an adult, so that adaptation is still ongoing. And you have to think that was a pretty easy to arise mutation, as it only requires retaining a childhood characteristic into adulthood. Successful/optimal digestion of a completely novel food source (e.g. grains) will take many more generations.

    • Eva
      June 21, 2013

      I would like to remind you that billions of Asians live on white rice, and have done so for centuries, and are very thin. Also, evidence shows that we’ve been eating grains for at least the last 30,000 years, and that’s plenty of time to evolve. There is nothing novel about grains. And even if they’d only been around for 10,000 years, that’s still plenty of time to evolve. It’s not like we suddently stopped evolving 10,000 years ago. In this video Nathaniel Dominy argues that paleo humans were relying more on plant foods than on animal foods to survive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0PF5R0ywp4&feature=share&list=FL4TLlqnMA5HUkmur9y_09rQ

      Besides, eating a “paleo” diet is almost impossible today. We’ve bred animals and plants to fit our needs and they are nothing like what they were in the paleo era, whether it be cows or brocoli.

  4. Dave
    June 14, 2013

    Does the diet still work if I actually eat grubs instead of having to choke back a rice cake? I still associate rice cakes with an unsuccessful attempt to stave off the fountainous effects of a college night of excessive imbibing. Uggh.

    Chris – It’s nice to see you emerge from your lawyer cave for a short while to reappear on the blogosphere. Your blog posts, which were simultaneously self-aggrandizing and self-deprecating, were unique and are missed.

    • Chris Pedersen
      June 14, 2013

      Wrong Chris, sorry. And yes, you can substitute the real food item.

      • Dave
        June 14, 2013

        Ah. I was thinking of Christian Petersen (with a ‘t’) who also is a paleo diet proponent. Weird coincidence. Guess he’s still in his cave.

  5. Ken Schafer
    June 14, 2013

    Failed miserably for weight loss? Hmmm… Not in my experience, but it is definitely not miracle diet some people claim. This idea of randomness is not really new to the Paleo community, but it has probably been overlooked by most of the Paleo diet crowd.